...there's a buzz in my backside...

I have found two profiles on Facebook and while I really want to contact these people, I am unaware of the creep factor, and don't want to come off as a stalkery asshole.

Person one is Scottie.

Person two is someone I met recently. We hit it off and spent a lot of time talking and flirting (I think - god knows I'm so bad at it and can barely recognize it when someone else is doing it). We even told each other "Hey, maybe I'll run into you at [bar], or at [specific event]." But this is where it gets tricky: we didn't exchange full names, and I had to do some serious research to get the name and find them on FB.

So what do you think? Would it be too weird to contact either of these folks? How would you feel about it? I really need your feedback. Let me know in the comments.

Also, if you want to be my FB friend (and I actually, like, know you), let me know via email.

Gracias, merci, grazie, salamat, danke, etc.

I don't have any judgement about who anyone has consentual sex with. Really, I don't. If there are no children or animals involved, rest assured, that what you do in your own private life is all good with me.

HOWEVER. Don't tell me you love me, commit to a monogamous relationship, have a discussion about not using condoms, pay for birth control pills and then... let me find out that during the ENTIRE duration of our relationship you've been f'ing random men, women and trannies from craigslist (literally anyone who would have sex with you) and then coming home and having unprotected sex with me.

That's bad enough, I know. But there's more... The last time I had unprotected sex with anyone? 1994. When I got pregnant.

One of the most frustrating things for me is that I will never know why or how he could do this to someone he supposed "loved." In my opinion, he is evil.

This is an email he sent me literally the day before shit went down: "Hiya. Just wanted to say I had a great time this weekend. Thanks again for renting the car and doing the driving. I really do appreciate our time together. I don't think I've ever felt this loved before and it really means a lot to me Buzzgirl. I don't say this often enough, but you're a great girlfriend and I feel very fortunate to have you in my life. I love you very much."

Yes, I've been tested for HIV, though I'll need to go back in three months to be retested. No, I haven't gone in yet for the battery of other tests I need to take. I just haven't been up to it.

Also, can I just say, my 13 year old daughter, while riding in the car with a friend of mine asked her "When, Scott cheated on my mom, was it with a man or a woman?" My friend was so flustered she replied, "Oh, um, I don't know." When she told me later, my reaction was "Oh my god. Am I the only one who didn't know my boyfriend was blowing guys?!" I mean, fuck! I was a theatre major. I've lived in San Francisco for 15 years. I know the gays! My gaydar was (is) on the fritz.

So, I've been living under a rock for a few months.

And yeah, I turned off comments for this post.

The Great Schlep from The Great Schlep on Vimeo.

And I SWEAR I'll spill the beans soon, but I just want to know if anyone is in town for BlogHer. If so, let me know. I live here in San Francisco, and would love to hang out with you.

Unrelated aside: I'm in a coffee shop, and some guy just walked in. He's wearing so much cologne I just got an instant headache. Ugh.

I’ve been keeping a secret. Actually, I’ve been keeping many, but one in particular that I will share with you now.

I wrote a post in February titled “Is it possible?” that questioned whether or not a significant other could be living a “double life” of sorts. Here’s an excerpt of the (since taken down) post:

“No, we don't live together, but we spend an awful lot of time together.

…We made plans to go out the next night, Saturday. While I was procrastinating, instead of straightening up the apartment before he came over, I went online. I got an email that destroyed me.

I broke up with him. He begged. He got angry. He cried. I asked him to please, if he loved me so much, to stop calling/texting/emailing me. I wasn't ready to talk to him. He sent a text that said "I'm sorry, I just hate being accused of something I didn't do, esp when it's hurting the love of my life so much." I went to his place at 2:00. We talked we cried. I said I'd call him the next day. I got an email from him Sunday that somewhat exonerated him. I called him and he asked if I'd come over. I went. He asked if I "had something to say to him." I asked, "Do you want me to apologize?" He said "That would be nice, yes." I said, "I'm sorry, but can you see how things look(ed) from my perspective?" He started to tear up and tell me that while yes, he understood that, what he didn't understand is why I didn't believe him when he said he didn't do anything. He would never treat me like that: dumping him like we had had nothing before.

I put what I was feeling aside. Very difficult for someone like me with MAJOR trust issues. I spent the night. We spent the entire next day together. I left his place at midnight this morning.

When I woke up, I had an epiphany of some sort. I put my internet research skills to work and found what I suspect is a smoking gun. I think he was lying all along. I am such an asshole. Gullible.

I left him a voicemail message...he hasn't called back yet. Should be an interesting conversation.”

It was an interesting conversation. There was no real resolution except that we decided we loved each other enough to work it out, to try again – even though in my heart I knew it would never be the same between us.

So, what’s the secret? The secret is that I went back to him. We’ve been together this whole time. I’ve been embarrassed and ashamed to admit that I took him back, considering how spectacularly he humiliated me.

I hope you'll bear with me over the next couple of posts. I'm trying very hard to figure out exactly what it is about me that is so...what is the word? Needy? that I allowed myself to be made a fool of - repeatedly - for so long.

I'll tell you what he did (and continues to do) next time.

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