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Monday, May 22, 2006 

Waking Up is Hard to Do

I woke up this morning with a start. As if jerked by a string I sat straight up. I looked at the clock. 5:08 AM. Dammit, I hate that. I hate having my sleep interrupted. It's so difficult for me to fall asleep in the first place, that to wake up two hours before I need to is frustrating. I honestly can't remember the last time I slept for six hours straight.

I used to sleep. It was one of my favorite things to do. These days it seems to have become elusive. I don't know exactly why. I do enjoy sleeping alone. Taking up the whole bed, not being relegated to "my side."

As my memory of his face fades, I wonder if I would even recognize him again in person. The one photo I have is not enough for me to recall him. I do remember flashes of him. Of us. Me, curled against his back with my arm draped over him, our fingers entwined as he pulled me closer to him. My face buried in the nape of his neck, kissing his spine.

This memory lulled me back to sleep.

I have gone on four dates (four different men) in the last month. That's a lot for me. But there hasn't been anyone I'd particularly like to see again. Not that they weren't nice/attractive/interesting/smart, but I'm not sure how many more bars/coffee shops/dinners/movies I have in me at this point.

I'm having a better time lately just riding my bike. Alone.

any news from scottie??????????

where the heck are you scottie?????????

*vulcan mind melt* call her scottie, text message her scottie, go to SF scottie.......

maybe that will help!

I almost agree about the alone thing...

wow buzzgirl...we are really going through much of the same things! i read your blog previous to this as well. i too am looking for a new job these days, had braces just a few years ago, and this week was told i need to see a periodontist for gum surgery. i have no insurance.

but all of that seems far more bearable than the insomnia and the tugging of my heart. it seems you know that all too well. i've given up on dating. as you said, how much do we have in us at this point? it is as though i am turning completely inward and isolating myself. i know i can't live out the rest of my life this way but right now with sleep eluding me so...

thanks for the comment on my blog. i'll be back to visit and see how you are doing. best wishes for sleep, love, and happiness.

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