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Monday, June 19, 2006 

The marrying kind

When I went out with that Irish guy, he said to me that he thought that if he were really interested in the "wife and kids thing," he probably would have done it by now.

I'd never really thought of it that way before. Maybe that's true for me too. My life certainly hasn't gone as I thought it might have. I never envisioned myself as a single parent, but here I am.

It's sometimes difficult dating with a kid. Often the problems are logistical, but usually the guys don't want to be "burdened" with someone else's kid. But see, here's the thing. I've been a single parent since conception. I went through the pregnancy/delivery alone, I've raised her alone, put her through school alone. As in all by myself. It hasn't always been easy, but I worked pretty hard, had some good (and some not so good) jobs, and have paid for everything and taken full responsibility for my decision. I don't need some guy to take care of us. I really resent the idea that some men seem to think single moms are out to get their hooks into them. Not the case.

Therein lies the problem, I think. I may be too independent. I don't know if I'd have the ability at this point to make any of the compromises I assume are necessary to make a marriage work. It bums me out, because sometimes I think I would like to be married.

I see it everyday. This is going to sound more egomaniacal that I mean it to, but...I see people who seem less intelligent, less attractive, less financially secure, have more kids, or who are older than me getting married. What the fuck am I doing wrong? I think I really may be destined to be alone. Which kind of sucks.

I might add that a large part of the suckiness of being single stems from the fact that you never know when you're going to have sex. I think that maybe the reason He-Who-Shall-No-Longer-Be-Named-In-This-Blog and I had so much sex is because we both realized we never knew when we were going to have the opportunity again. Of course, for all I know, he could be sleeping with a different woman every night. Alas, I will never know.

Ahem... As someone who is married and can have unlimited sex... well... you just stop appreciating it. Maybe this is because I'm a chick but sometimes I think the unlimited sex thing is a bad deal... For us "marrieds", we never know when it's going to STOP already...Ahem.

Sometimes I wish I was still single. Grass is always greener and everything. I imagine that I would get so much shit done.

Oh well.

I agree with you on this one. I've been single for the better part of my children's lives. On and off boyfriends and such but I'm the same way in the independent department.

It always ends because they decide they want their "own" family. So I quit, I gave up and I have more hobbies and yes, I'm way productive as JenC said.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately too...wondering if I truly am the marrying kind or if I am destined to be alone. Neither thought seems wholly compelling. As JennC said, the grass always does seem greener from the other side of the fence.

And the sex thing...please don't get me started...too depressing to think about right now! :-)

On a happier note...I am going to Paris for the first time ever in October!

I sometimes feel like it would be nice to not have a man around hogging up the computer during the time I can get on it and basically thinking I am his Mommy most of the time ;) but it could be worse...at least he does put the seat down!

Oh, and I forget what sex is after the last baby. I think we are both too afraid to get all wild and crazy for fear of another baby coming along.

"I see people who seem less intelligent, less attractive, less financially secure, have more kids, or who are older than me getting married. What the fuck am I doing wrong? I think I really may be destined to be alone. Which kind of sucks. "

OMG, I used to think exactly the same thing!!! Sh*t, it looks like I'm reading my own words!!!

I don't quite feel the same way anymore, though, since I've taken a closer look at these people with so-called perfect relationships: guess what, they're not so perfect! So-and-so leaves the seat up and She sits on it every time she gets up in the middle of the night to pee; another so-and-so can't sleep because He snores all f*cking night long; another so-and-so can't stand Significant Other's friends and they're always around ... etc...

So be carefull not envying people with "relationships" or marriages too much. What looks fine from the outside may not be so fine really but we don't get to know that, just wonder if the grass is really greener.

I'm just crabby because it's been two months (to the day) since "that guy." I kind of miss his (perfect) penis right now...

I'm in the same boat as you. I have been single for so long that I think I've accepted that I'll probably never meet "him." I'm okay with it but it's crazy that I AM okay with it. Good lord. It also doesn't help that 95% of the guys I meet/know are gay :)

By the way, I really admire you for raising your daughter alone without anybody's help. You're an amazing chica!

Aloha: same here, single for so long, I'm quite OK with it. And pretty much all the men I know/meet are gay. Which is fine by me. Go figure. Maybe this marriage/relationship thing is overrated, uh?

Buzz: perfect penis or perfect dick or both? ;)

Buzzgirl...I'll be in Paris October 13th through the 19th and then down in the south of France until about the 29th. I will be coming back up to Paris to fly out of CDG at that time however and may stay another night or two in Paris before leaving. Let me know if you will be in Paris during those times, as I would LOVE to meet up for a drink...make that drinkS!

As usual, I completely relate to how you are feeling here with this alone thing and the sex thing and missing the perfect penis thing!

Ha ha! BOTH, Tomate.

ugh save yourself the harassment and opression of marriage.

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