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Monday, August 07, 2006 


Where've I been?

My birthday was a blast. Potent margaritas were consumed. I enjoyed the company of Tomate, her friend J, Catrina and Kati. Did I mention the margaritas? I think I did. After we parted ways with Tomate and J, Kati, Catrina and I briefly considered going to a movie, but ended up not doing anything. They left, and I went to Cha Cha Cha, around the corner from my place in the Mission. I knew I could drink free because the manager is a friend of mine.

The next evening, I was supposed to meet the fabulous Chantel for a cocktail at the Blogher conference, but instead, got sucked into the lesbian drama of Catrina and Kati breaking up after four years (I knew it was coming the night before...Kati didn't.) That night I spent watching "Raiders of the Lost Ark" with Catrina outside on a big screen in Dolores Park.

Other than that, I have been living a particularly self-destructive phase recently. I've been engaging in debasing behavior that is beyond the pale for me. I hope I don't die as a result. Really. I don't want to die, I just want to not feel pain. Just feel numb (no, I'm not doing drugs!) I'll leave it at that (hence, this entry's title.)

This past weekend, I met up with Inarticulate, a writer whose Diaryland diary I started reading, god, six or seven years ago. This was the first time we'd met. She's great! In addition to a seven year old boy, she has twin girls that are going to be 11 in a couple of weeks. I can't even imagine. I have one 11 year old girl, and at times, it's too much. Anyway, we went to the movies and saw ”Little Miss Sunshine”. I cannot tell you how much I loved this film. It was well written, the comedy was black and pointed, and it was perfectly cast. I loved it.

I took a meditation class last week. It was at the Buddhist temple a couple of blocks from my place. Trying to calm my mind in a less destructive manner. Meditation is really hard! I couldn't do it. I was talking to some folks afterwards who said that it takes a lot of practice, and that I shouldn't stop trying. We'll see. I'm willing to try.

I have a feeling we'll hook up some time or another.

Take care of yourself; from a professional cocktail drinker - lot's of water.


The best cure for pain and sadness is forced fun, fun, and more fun....but don't hurt yourself girl!

On another note---glad to see that I'm not the only one who has been barely blogging once a week.

Yeah for summer fun!

Take care of yourself, Buzzgirl. I know that desire to eradicate the pain...in whatever way possible. But don't let it be your demise. You are far too valuable to the world. Thinking of you always and wishing there was more I could do to brighten your life!

happy you are back. sometimes we all need to indulge and recenter when we are ready for it. don't be so hard on yourself.

Wait a minute--what the hell? I don't remember anything about you being in mortal peril. No fair.

I'm of the opinion of madameK. It'll all even out soon.

There was a bloggher conference? Interesting...

For the rest, I'm not sure what to say, or whether it's even a good idea to try to analyse it too much. We go through phases, phases end, new phases come up, we go through that ... You'll snap out of it when you're ready.

I like what anonymous's comment a lot and I think he/she's right: don't be too hard on yourself!

Potent margaritas were consumed ...

that's what I thought! :-)

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