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Wednesday, February 21, 2007 

I have accomplished nothing

Wow, time flies. I haven't posted here in a couple of weeks - I can't believe it's been that long already. I guess since I haven't had sex since Super Bowl Sunday, there's been nothing to write about. Sigh.

I've lost 30lbs., though. Without even trying or thinking about it. My mom thinks it's because of the (physical) pain I've been in. I think it's because of the stress and emotional pain I've been in (but haven't really addressed here - and won't, frankly.) But it's all good. I summoned up the courage to try on a favorite pair of jeans I've held onto over the years even though I haven't fit into them in at least three. They fit! Woo hoo!

I've been doing nothing all day. Sitting at my desk playing on the internet. Christ, what a bum.

Things are being done only because I'm learning to delegate. Ha ha! That just means I give my assistant (whom I despise) a bunch of crappy stuff to do. Things that need to be done, but that I don't feel like doing. Such are the perks of having the word "Director" in your job title.

It's been just about a month since my surgery. I have a check up on Friday. As of last Friday I have permission to start walking on my foot - still using the crutches, and in the boot. I tried it. It was a no go. Actually, it was a "Oh. Helllll. No." I think a lot of my reticence is mental, though. I'm afraid of what might hurt. Speaking of which, I start physical therapy next week. I had kind of been looking forward to it, thinking it was a sure sign that I'm recovering. I also envisioned hot soaks and massages. Apparently, this was a misconception. Everyone I've talked to who has been through physical therapy has described it as painful and hellish. Great. Something else to look forward to.

I am probably one of the most impatient people you'd ever meet. Being on crutches is an exercise in patience for me. Everything takes sooooo long. I can't carry anything. I have to wear a backpack for my crap because I can't carry a purse. I'm really, really hating it. And the patience lesson is lost on me. I'm getting more pissed off, not more "zen" about the situation as time passes - and I've probably got another four weeks to go. Argh. I've got to remember to buy some batteries for my camera. I'll share a photo of my scar with y'all.

I worry about you. I know that sounds silly but I do. It seems that you are really low and I just wish there was something I could say or do. I know I say this repeatedly, but please email me if you ever do want to talk.

I know how you feel about no longer feeling inclined to throw your emotions onto your blog...I too have completely pulled away from doing that (in fact, I've deleted old posts to completely strike that tendency) but I hope that you have some means of release.

I say all of this very sincerely. I'm a mess too and have no advice, so I will not even attempt to Pollyanna out on you. But know that I care and I'm here.

I think about you too. Take care of yourself.

Awwww. Hope things start getting better soon.

I know completely how you feel about the impatience and having to use a backpack and everything sucking. It's hard to keep your chin up at times like this, which is why it's great to have positive people around you who make you forget your woes. I say throw a soirée and invite the wildest people you know and live it up. Oh, and wear your skinny jeans!

I'm sorry to say that physical therapy is no fun. But it is a hell of a step up from being in a !$@# cast and on crutches! Hang in there!

(PS. Don't know why, I'm having trouble commenting since I switched to Beta. Oh, well. Maybe I need physical therapy, too)

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