Thursday, September 30, 2010 

Well, yes. As Doc called it in the comments of the last post, I did agree to see Meir again - but it didn't happen (by the way, I leave all the typos unedited because I'm lazy):

5:38 PM meir: hi there
r u there?
me: hey
5:39 PM meir: Babe, I have bad news (at list bad for me), I'm stuck at work and I don't see how I get out of this place anytime before midnight. I need to fly tomorrow to Seattle and I got nothing ready.
:-(
me: NOW you're making me sad. that sucks. oh well.
meir: I know....
It dose suck
5:41 PM I was looking forward to it, but I just have so much shit to do here, I don't know how the hell I will even be ready by tomorrow
5:42 PM me: I understand.
meir: I'm sorry
mmmm
just a sec

(21 minutes go by and he hasn't returned)

6:05 PM me: Well, I guess I'll see you some other time. Maybe. Take care.

The end. I haven't heard from him since.

From Doc's comment: "What do you want? Any chance of getting that here? Let that be your guide."

Good question. What do I want? Well, I was really enjoying just hanging out with him, laughing, talking, kissing, holding hands...all that stuff. I guess I want someone (who is available) to do those things with. And, no - there probably is not any chance of my getting that with this guy, but since he showed interest, I jumped on it. Fuuuuucckkkkk. So depressing.

I suppose I'm just looking for a distraction from my current disaster of a life, when really, I have a ton of shit I need to be dealing with.

And he's not even around to distract me anymore. Figures.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010 

A Chat with BB

Last night I was online chatting with Tomate Farcie when Backseat Boy popped in with a chat. I was going to edit his name (Meir) but decided not to since it's not his real name anyway. I swear this is all true - my commentary in bold:

9:35 PM meir: hi there
do u hear me?
me: no, i don't hear you
meir: good....I was worried that everybody on Gmail hears me now
9:36 PM me: nope. not today.
I was just talking about you.
meir: with?
9:37 PM me: i'm also chatting with a friend of mine
meir: what did u say?
9:38 PM me: i didn't say anything bad! actually, i'm just a little confused. what are we doing?
meir: what am I doing now?
9:39 PM me: lol. no. what are you and i doing...in general. i'm not sure.
9:40 PM meir: well,
it started sex neto
but I enjoined spending time with you
so
9:41 PM we ended up eating humus....[since we met, he's complained that he can't find good hummus in the US]
me: right, but we didn't have sex...so i'm confused. i like spending time with you, too.
meir: Well, I am NOT looking for a girlfriend
that's the problem
9:42 PM me: why is that a problem? i don't have to be your girlfriend.
9:43 PM meir: well, this is how you call it when you spend time together + have sex with someone
so I kind of don't know what to do
I spend time with people I enjoy spending time with
me: so, we either spend time together and don't have sex, or we have sex and don't spend time together?
meir: I have sex with people I want to have sex with
I am really not looking for the combination
9:44 PM I don't know
it's dumb I know
9:45 PM me: So...I still don't know what that means for me. (Yeah, it IS dumb, but whatever)
9:47 PM meir: listen, it's complicated. I'm with someone in Israel. I just spend most of my time here. I love her.
me: I understand.
9:49 PM meir: from some reason I am OK with having sex with other women. But I don't want to have a girlfriend and emotionaly I am not avilable [my eyes were beginning to roll at this point]
9:50 PM me: So, what are you saying to me?
meir: I don't know
9:51 PM I don't want to hear you
hurt
you are a great person, fun to be with and all
I don't want to be part of the problem
9:52 PM and I'm worried that you will get emotionally involved and be hurt
9:53 PM me: Well, I might. Or I might not. Either way, I'm an adult and can make that choice for myself. I don't need you to make it for me.
9:54 PM meir: If you remember we had a similar conversation when we met first and in teh emails we exchanged after
I guess it's the combination of finding you fun and attractive that worries me
9:55 PM me: Right. I do remember.
So, are you worried about me, or about yourself? [Right? Does it sound like he likes me more than he wants to? That's what I got]
9:56 PM meir: If you were just an idiot that I don't enjoy talking to or eating humus with then it would have been a lot easier for me - sex and that's it. or if you where a man....
me: It would be easier for you to have sex with me if I were a man?
meir: :-)
9:57 PM no - but it would have been easier or me to eat humus with you and not want to kiss you or have sex with you...
or port steak
9:58 PM pork
me: Are you saying you don't want to see me again?
9:59 PM meir: want - I do want believe me.
but I'm worried that I will hurt you
and I really really don't want to be a bad memory for you
you are too nice of a person
10:01 PM me: Oh for fuck's sake. I do like you. I like kissing you, holding hands with you. WTF? You really don't need to worry about me. I am a grown up.
10:02 PM meir: I know. But I do
10:04 PM me: Well, stop it.
10:06 PM meir: you told me you didn't had a great time and you asked if I'm around to cheer you up a little. I was so happy, I felt great about taking you out to sushi, to a bar, etc. I didn't want to have sex with you. I enjoined spending time with you, I wanted you to have a good time, but I was worried that you will get the wrong message,....[ Yeah. I obvs misinterpreted when he leaned over to kiss me the first time and all the making out - my bad]
10:07 PM BTW - to make it clear, I very much wanted to have sex with you physicality, you are very attractive
10:11 PM I wanna fuck you. Believe me that's going to be too easy for you to get
:-)
me: Well...?
10:12 PM meir: well what?
10:13 PM next time we meet, we will fuck the hell out of each other...
BTW
forget about it
I was going to ask about english grammer
me: What?!
10:14 PM meir: dumb thing
you know me already
me: Ask me anything. I LOVE grammar (it's true)
meir: something about how to say to someone that I want to fuck her with out making it sound so aggressive.....
10:15 PM I guess you can say fuck with you instead fuck you - right?
me: Well, no. "Fuck with you" means to kind of mess with someone's head. Like now...you're kind of fucking with me.
meir: right


Oh. My. God. Really, Buzzgirl? I swear that I should not be allowed to pick my own dates. EVER.

He wants to go out again tomorrow. What do you think I said?

Tuesday, September 21, 2010 

Some advice?

So, as we've established (and as is the subtitle of this blog) I am a social retard. I've had few serious relationships and I just don't know how to act on a date.

I had lunch with BB today. When I got into the car, he didn't lean over to kiss me, which I thought was weird. When we got to the place, it was fine. The food was good, the conversation interesting, etc. Then he drove me home and returned to his office. There was a quick kiss before I got out of the car, and mention of talking soon, and then that was it.

Here's the deal: I have no idea what we're doing. Are we dating? Should I assume he likes me? Should I ask him? I really have absolutely no idea. Maybe I should just wait to see if I ever hear from him again. If I don't, then I guess my questions will be answered.

It's just so odd to me that things got so amorous on our second date, and there's been no mention made of it since. Or any other attempt for that matter.

So weird. What should I do?

Monday, September 20, 2010 

Win Some, Lose Some

In the win column:

1) I attended this Levi’s event on Saturday, and got a free pair of great fitting jeans. It was a fun day, lots of free stuff and a concert by She & Him. The band was introduced by a couple of local DJs. They were asking the crowd trivia questions and handing out $25 gift certificates to the Levi's store as prizes. I answered the last question correctly, but they "mistakenly" gave my prize to someone else. I was annoyed. They took my contact info and promised to "see what they could do." Today, I got a phone call saying they're giving me a $100 gift card to the Levi's store by way of apology. Score! Win!

2) I used a public restroom today. The restroom was clean, well stocked with TP and soap and towels, and I found $10 by the garbage can. Score! Win #2!

In the lose column:

BB emailed me to tell me he forgot about a dentist appointment that he has, so I don't get to see him today. It's not that much of a lose, though because we rescheduled for tomorrow.

I really hate to admit that I like him. It just sets me up for so much hurt. But I do. I really enjoyed talking with him last night. He's very bright, he's attractive, he's generous...something's gotta give, right?

Gah! I'm just going to try to relax and enjoy this for as long as I can. We'll see how that goes.

Sunday, September 19, 2010 

Why, yes. It is exhausting...

...To be this much of a drama queen. I'm wearing myself out.

BB just dropped me at home. We went to dinner, then for a long walk. It was very nice. He's very tall, so our holding hands was a little awkward at first, but we got the hang of it.

We stopped in a small park and kissed as we sat on the lone bench. Pretty chaste stuff, considering how our last date ended.

We have plans for lunch tomorrow. There's a place in Oakland he wants to try.

Like I said: it was very nice. And now I can go to sleep.

 

COMES THE DAWN

After awhile you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats with you head up and your eyes open.
With the grace of maturity, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on
Today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong
And that you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn and learn ....
With every goodbye you learn.

-Veronica A. Shoftstall


Obviously, Backseat Boy never got in touch again. For fuck's sake. I'm still more of a "grief of a child" gal than a "grace of maturity" person.

Sigh.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010 

He's Back

Backseat Boy (I should probably come up with a better alias than that) has returned from his trip. He emailed me right when he got back about our plans for this weekend.

I'm pretty excited about this guy, which is worrisome. I don't really even know him that well. I have a tendency to jump right into things - a lesson I should have learned from by now, but apparently not. I'm not sure if it stems from desperation or what. No one likes to think of themselves as desperate, but here we are, just on the brink of date number three and I'm already mythologizing this guy. Every time I've ridden my bike past the place where we parked, I can't help but get wistful. I rode by the bar we made out in and thought to myself "Awwww." It's stupid, and setting myself up for the inevitable disappointment he will turn out to be.

Fucking accents. They draw me in every time (Hi Scottie! Hi Christophe!).

Monday, September 13, 2010 

Backsliding

Well, not really. But almost.

After I went to the Academy of Sciences for the free day on Sunday, I was supposed to meet up with this guy I used to...um, well, I guess date isn't exactly the right word...you know. It was a proximity thing: he lives near Golden Gate Park.

This person is not good for me. I stopped talking/emailing/texting/communicating with him last October, but like a chronic illness, he keeps coming back.

As luck would have it, when he was supposed to pick me up, he couldn't because he was still working, and by the time he got home I was already back at my place in pajamas watching Poirot on PBS. We went back and forth about his coming to pick me up, etc., but in the end (which is a pun for this guy - in which case I should say in HIS end!) it didn't work out, which I think is for the best.

It may have just been a case of my "not having had sex in a year panic" getting to me, and honestly, this guy was not the way to go. He sent me all these emails saying how great we were together in the past, and all I could think while I was reading them was "Yeah, maybe for you."

Who knows? Maybe things will work out with backseat guy. Maybe not. There's always BOB!!

Saturday, September 11, 2010 

Buzzgirl is NOT 17 years old

So, can someone explain to me how I ended up making out in the backseat of a car last night? I mean come on.

Granted, the guy is cute, nice, and I hate to even mention this, but it's true, RICH, but seriously, people. What the hell?

This is someone I went out with once last year, but he was too nice for me, I guess. I was more interested in the guy who was treating me like crap at the time (recurring theme for me). We met for coffee, he took me to lunch, and walking back to his car, we walked by a shoe store. When he asked if I was obsessed with shoes like most other women, I admitted a certain...fondness. We went in, he bought me some shoes, and I never called him again. Classy, no?

Anyway, I saw his old email in my inbox yesterday (note to self: clean inbox more frequently). I sent him a message that literally said "I want you to take me out." After the initial "Do I know you?" reply, because, yeah, it had been a year, he said "What about tonight?" and suggested a restaurant.

He picked me up, we went to dinner, then when he pulled up to my place afterward, he took my hand and said he didn't want to say goodnight yet. (At this point I should mention that it was just after 10:00pm, and he had a flight to Memphis this morning for work, and he looked exhausted.) So we went to a bar. Actually, we went to a couple of bars. We left the first one because it was too crowded. When we were seated at the second one, we talked, laughed, etc. It was pretty loud, so when he leaned in toward me, I thought he was going to say something, so I turned my head - which is why our first kiss was his mouth to my ear. After much laughter and apologizing on my part, we got it figured out. So, we're making out AT THE BAR, and the bartender gives us the "Get a room" look. So we leave. We get in his car, and he's taking me home, when I suggest we pull over and make out. Which we did.

The truly ridiculous part of this story is that HE stopped it before we were completely naked. When I asked him why, he said "Because we are responsible adults." Which made me laugh so hard, I snorted.

So, he took me home, left for Tennessee this morning, and I won't see him again until next week. It was fun. Admittedly juvenile, but fun nonetheless.

One thing though: when I made out in cars as a teen, not once was it in the back of a brand new Mercedes...so, yeah. Upgrade.